You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
