PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
