What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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