Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
