Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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