everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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