if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Text me some of your sweat
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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