What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
