I will die if light touches me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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