Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
