is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize