I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
