Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
