the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
