My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
