hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
