Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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