WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
