Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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