White coat. Heels.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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