Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
