Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
