I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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