it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
