i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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