Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you win again, gameday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
