Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
