just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
