Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
