all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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