you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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