the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
