I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
