Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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