babies were throwing up all over the place
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
