First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My feet surprised me
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