he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize