if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
