Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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