We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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