Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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