Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
