Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize