Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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