If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
