My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
