i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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