I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
