Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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