So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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