I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
