my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize