I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
