Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
