I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
