youre lurking in front of me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
