I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
