Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
