Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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