I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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