Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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