Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
