Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
