I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
