Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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