Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
