if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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