I have demons in me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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