we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
