So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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