You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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