You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
